Missing Them....

...Calling them and sayin', "whatcha doin'?"

...Having Dad touch my hands before he kissed me b/c he didn't want to shock me!

...Seeing Mom toodle to the front door, taking about 3 minutes to get there b/c of that "darned ol' hip"

...Hearing how good my meal was

...Walking around the "circle" with Mom

...Going to visit them at the hospital {how weird is THAT one?}

...asking Mom what she was having for dinner

...asking Dad how to _______ !

...stopping by for iced tea on their screened in deck

...kissing them goodbye


It'll get better. It's just been a nostalgic night. I read their "Homesteaders Newsletter" from their workplace of many years this afternoon. There was Dad's name in the "Recently deceased" section. Knowing Mom's will be in the next newsletter.

A few tears.

A few giggles.

I get to babysit Kiki tomorrow!!

And we're going to Arizona next month to hug on our other grannybabies! {and their parents}

The lifecycle continues.

And God is still on The Throne!

"Many, O Lord my God,
are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare."

~Psalm 40:5

In Memory of my Mother

November 10, 1933 - July 20, 2010

This is one of my favorite pictures of my dear mother. She was so excited to be a great grandma and just couldn't be around these babies enough to suit her. I'm going to miss seeing them grow up knowing her and loving her as much as I did!

I'm writing this so that I may remember this time and once again, to see the faithfulness of our GREAT GOD and how He works in ways that are far above all we can even think of imagine!

On June 25th, Dennis had a day off work. At 2:30 in the afternoon, he said he was going over to Mom's to check on her. I told him to just invite her for dinner since Adam, Ally and Kiki were coming over. Then, something at the last minute had me change my mind. I jumped in the truck with him and we ran over to Mom's only to find the blinds still shut and the paper on the porch. I knew something was wrong. We let ourselves in through the garage and I found her laying on the bathroom floor, in pain and very dehydrated. Her right leg was swollen twice it's normal size and it was rotated outwards. I knew it was a broken hip. I called 911, we got the ambulance out within 5 minutes, they examined her, gave her some morphine and "set" her leg with a piece of traction equipment. Very painful and I knew we were in for a long haul.

The next 3 weeks are just a blur. I had just lost Dad 3 months and one week ago...how could we be starting this again? Why would the Lord allow such pain and sorrow so soon after we had just experienced it?

God knows the plans that He has for us and although they may find us doubting, we are to always know that His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts, higher than our thoughts. I quit questioning that very evening and began to accept what He had for us. Little did I know, just 3 weeks and 3 days later, God was going to call Mom home too.

There are many details that I will never forget. Sharing the gospel with 2 nurses and 1 respiratory therapist. Letting them know why we had the hope we have. They all recognized us from being there so much with Dad and often would just walk in the room in tears for us. I told them not to cry for us, for this was God's plan and He would equip us for what lies ahead. It was so sweet to see them care for Mom as tenderly as they did for Dad. They always had a positive outlook and gave us encouraging words towards recovery. We soon figured out how very serious her condition was however, and the pulmonologist was called in. She had developed what is called ARDS (Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome) which can occur after such trauma or long bone breaks. The lungs just get inflammed and there is very little you can do but maintain a patient and try to keep their lungs relaxed to give them a chance to heal. Mom had Amiodarone toxicity 5 years ago and we almost lost her then. She was on a ventilator for 2 weeks and by the grace of God, was able to come off and have a pretty good recovery. This "insult" to the lungs was just more than they could handle again though.

After 2 weeks on the ventilator, we were faced with making the very difficult decision as to whether we would want her to have a trach and be on the ventilator as well as a PEG tube (tube that is implanted into her small intestine) to give her artificial feedings. This might have meant that she could recover, but most likely b/c they tried to wean her off the ventilator 3 times that she would be vent dependant the rest of her life. She did not want that. I couldn't make that decision b/c all her other organs were functioning well.

After hearing that news, Scott, Dennis and I went to lunch. We didn't get around to making final decisions to take her off the vent, basically b/c none of us wanted to make it. PRAISE THE LORD....when we got back, His mighty hand was already at work! Her oxygen saturation was declining into the 80% range and that was with her still on the ventilator and with 90% oxygen going at 28 PEEP. I know you all don't know what that means, but it's the amt. of pressure that the oxygen is being forced into the lung with. That was high. Very high.

Her oxygen saturation continued to decline throughout the remainder of the day and we knew the Lord was calling her home without us having to make the decision to take her off the ventilator. We had called out to him for wisdom and also begged him to take care of her so we didn't have to make those difficult decisions and HE HEARD OUR CRY!

At 11:30, her respirations slowed to about 9 per minute. They had been very fast all day long. She was restless in the morning (even though she was very sedated) and in the afternoon, she relaxed and was at peace. Fairly soon after her respirations slowed, her BP dropped to around 40/20. I knew...the Lord was calling her home. Scott wanted to see her without all the tubes, so we had the Hospice Dr. remove them. Within 20 minutes, she was gone. Scott holding one hand and I holding the other...and my darling husband with his arms wrapped around my shoulders. We prayed over her those last few minutes and asked the Lord to take her to Glory. We have reason to hope she is with Dad and the Lord since she did make a profession of faith on several occasions, but most recent was just 2 weeks ago.

Let me explain this just a little. Mom ALWAYS "agreed" with what we said about the Lord. She never disagreed, yet we couldn't engage her in conversation re: Jesus or anything spiritual. Her "testimony" was based on a childhood conversion, then another one when she joined the Lutheran church in order to join that church after her and Dad were married several years. I grew up in that denomination so I know what they taught. There was little (if any) talk of sin. On Easter, we were taught that Jesus died for "our sin", and we rejoiced and sang beautiful songs about his resurrection, but again, little talk of OUR sin. I didn't understand the gospel message until my mid 20's, and while I was excited when God saved me, Mom was perplexed b/c I felt the need to be baptised again. I didn't think she understood what baptism really was, even though she had to be baptised in the Lutheran church to become a member. We had many talks throughout my life, after I was saved and I just never really thought she understood. My heart was always so heavy for her regarding that.

When Dad passed away, God provided ample opportunities for her to see HIM at work. To see His grace and mercy and to witness first hand, answered prayers. No, not the way she wanted them to go, but answered, none the less.

When she fell that day, my first thought was "OH GOD, PLEASE SAVE HER!" I know many of you understand my plea to the Lord and have been praying along with me. The night before they put her on the ventilator, The Lord provided a sweet friend from our church to be her nurse in ICU. I shared my deepest concern for Mom with her and she promised me that before she left that night, she would let the Lord use her to share with Mom and see if she could get a better feel for her salvation. She did and the next morning, before the ventilator was put in, she told us that she had made that profession of faith and said that Mom seemed to truly understand the meaning of it.

I was at peace. No matter what happened from then on, Mom had heard it once again and God was in charge of the outcome.

At peace.

At peace!

The next 2 weeks were filled with ups and downs but I knew whatever the outcome, all would be well with my soul.

It was and I praise the Lord for it!

Mom's last day was spent the way she would have wanted it...with her children at her side. We loved her. She was a wonderful Mom and would have done anything for us.

She will be missed, that's for sure.

Thursday, July 22 would have been her and Dad's 59th wedding anniversary. She didn't want to spend that day alone without Dad. She didn't have to!

Just 4 days after her passing, her first grandson, Julian Micah was born. She would have loved to have met him, but we pray there will be a meeting someday in Glory for all of them! He is a darling little man. I'll have my own separate post for him in the VERY near future, but I didn't want things to get too far out of order.

Just look at this face...

Don't you think she would have been so very proud??

Prayer Request and missing my Daddy...

This free scrapbooking design generated with Smilebox

July 22, 2010 would have been my parents 59th wedding anniversary.

It was just 3 months ago yesterday that Dad went home to be with the Lord, now my dear Mother seems to be very close at times to making her final journey as well. I am having a very sentimental night, missing my Daddy, praying for my Mother and wondering what the Lord has in store for us in the next few days, weeks and months. I've not blogged about Mom's health issues, mainly b/c they came on so quickly, but June 25th, she fell in her bathroom and broke her hip. It's been a struggle for life ever since. She is now on a ventilator and although most of her labs appear normal, she cannot breathe on her own and has to have ventilator assistance.
I would never in a million years have thought that I might loose both of my parents in such a short time, yet they were soulmates! Mom can hardly remember life without Dad. They were married when she was only 17 years of age so how could she?? I came along 5 years later and I don't remember life without Dad either! I miss him so much and now I'm facing the possibility of loosing my dear mother as well. I am trusting in the Lord, knowing HIS PLANS ARE HIGHER THAN MY PLANS and HIS WAYS ARE HIGHER THAN MY WAYS. This I know is true.

I'm asking you to pray.

Pray for Wisdom from God alone.

Pray for peace that passes ALL understanding through Christ Jesus, our Lord.

Pray that my mothers profession of faith was from a genuine conversion and that she will spend all of eternity with Dad and our Heavenly Father!

Pray that she will be comforted as she waits for healing.

Pray that God would be glorified!

That's all I got tonight.

I'm just missing them.

Both of them.

And I pray.